Five Fans You Don’t Want To Be On Tigers Opening Day Part Two
With the Tigers postponing opening day 2018 until today, you have a second chance to get your opening day experience right. Here are five opening day fans that you want to avoid turning into.
Opening day in Detroit is more than just the start of baseball season, it's an all-out party. The block party stretches all around Comerica Park, and into every single part of the city.
With this city-wide party comes many opportunities to become an idiot. Here are five of the pitfalls you should work to avoid.
DRUNK BEFORE 10 AM GUY
This guy shows up with the best intentions of hanging out with his friends and getting "crazy" in The D. Then he/she drinks as much as possible within the first hour of parking the car, and proceeds to annoy everyone around him.
The best way to spot this guy is by his long story telling, lack of Tigers gear, and obsessive need to touch you.
OVER FAN, FAN
These are the people who will wear every bit of Tigers gear they can find, even if it's not meant to be worn. They can also be spotted wearing a green tablecloth on St Patty's Day. They are genuinely good spirited but will try to drown you with Tigers baseball knowledge that most of the time is completely false.
THE LET ME IN GUY
This is a version of "Drunk Before 10 AM Guy". He gets too drunk to behave like a normal person, but not drunk enough to realize he should just sit down. He is too drunk to get into any business or even Comerica park itself but insists on getting in any way. Some of his favorite lines are:
- I bet if I had boobs you'd let me in!
- I haven't even had that much to drink! Tell em Jonny, tell him I've only had a few beers!
- Fine I guess you don't want my money, your loss!
SKIMPY DRESSED TIGERS FAN GIRL
I am not including a picture here to save myself from any legal issues that may come later, but don't think you're missing out. The name immediately makes you think of some hot girl in a bikini and a Tigers jersey. Really it's just the girl version of all three people above. She dresses like it's summer, even though we haven't had an opening day above 45 degrees in years.
She gets sloppy drunk and demands more free drinks from everyone around her. She eventually pukes or passes out in a random place, and then gets mad at her friends for "ditching" her.
You didn't get to leave work until an hour before the game starts, and you wan to catch up with your "brochachos."
Just stay home and plan how to get out of work for next year.
BONUS: OPENING DAY ENTHUSIASTIC MOMS
Opening day is your jam! You've gone every year, except for the last 4 years since you and your man had a baby. This is your first year back and you want to show everyone you can still throw down while watching your kids of course.
Opening day is not for kids. I don't care what anyone says. Instead of freezing your butt off at opening day, trying to shotgun beers while keeping an eye on your kid, just go to the first weekend series in June.
In the end, just know that I'm only bitter because I am not at opening day (not to mention that I've probably been every single one of the people listed above at some point).
Enjoy yourself, stick with your friends, drink responsibly, and don't get behind the wheel if you have had too much. Game time is 1:10pm, but get in line early if you want to see the first pitch.