Flint’s 7 Hottest Christmas Gifts of 2016 Are Selling Like Hotcakes [PHOTOS]
The holidays are right around the corner, and if you're having trouble finding the perfect gift for the Flintstone on your list -- we got you covered. These are the 7 hottest gifts in Flint for Christmas of 2016.
7. City Councilman Deflecting Car
Because in Flint -- you never know when you might run into one, or, more accurately, when one will run into you... while drunk driving and going the wrong way on the expressway.
6. "I'm With Harambe" Conversion Kit
There are a lot of people who voted for Hillary in Flint, who have no idea what to do with those "I'm with Her" shirts and yard signs now that her political career is over. Well, worry no more, friends! Now you can turn those irrelevant pieces of propaganda into trendy, social media statements with the "I'm with Harambe conversion kit!" You just take your "I'm with Her" stuff, apply the conversion kit, and bam! You go from baby boomer buzzkill to millennial icon in seconds. Note: Conversion kit only includes the letters "a-r-a-m-b-e." Letter "H" and Hillary swag sold separately.
5. GoFundMe Gift Card
Whether it's for medical bills, paying for those expensive cooking classes for their dog, or just funding that mixtape -- pretty much everyone knows somebody who started a GoFundMe this year. That's why instead of being caught off guard by someone else's poor luck/budgeting issues -- many Flint residents are giving out GoFundMe gift cards this year. Don't worry, the recipient has to start a GoFundMe page to cash in the card, and your name and donation amount gets posted when they do. That way you can look at it and show your friends and feel like you're not a total piece of s--- and can sleep at night. A false sense of self-satisfaction -- It's the gift that keeps on giving!
4. Do You Have Flint Water? -- The Shirt
This one is more for those in the communities adjacent to Flint, who, instead of paying attention to the news, reading the sign on the door, or doing 5 minutes of Google research, ask every single waitress at every single restaurant anywhere near Flint if they have Flint water. Also available in "No, We Don't Have Flint Water."
3. Flint-Based Video Games
Since you have better odds of finding Jimmy Hoffa than you do an NES classic this Christmas, why not pick up our exclusive line of Flint Video Games? Sure, they're not "new," but hardly anyone noticed when we released them in 2013. Besides, retro is soooo kewl right now, you guys.
2. Rick Snyder Toilet Paper
Michigan's Governor may have failed our city in a multitude of ways, but finally we found a job that's perfectly suited for ole' Dick. He's got plenty of experience in the field -- this guy's had his head up his ass for years. Rick Snyder -- he's on a roll!
1. Jester's Bucks
No joke here -- Jester's bucks are like gold in Flint. You get enough of them and you can write your own ticket 'round here. I once bought a house on the east side with Jester's bucks... it's a long story.