When Stephen Colbert isn't filming cameos in Middle-earth or hosting his satirical political program 'The Colbert Report,' he's inviting self-indulgent billionaire jerks to open wide so he can put his balls in their mouths.

For charity, of course.

After perpetual douchebag Donald Trump promised to announce a very big secret about President Obama that could change the course of the election, America was listening. Albeit a little skeptically.

Which is why we weren't surprised when it just turned out to be a self-serving stunt. Trump's widely-mocked announcement turned out to be a call to the president to produce his college and passport records by Oct. 31 at 5 p.m., and in return, the Donald said he'd donate $5 million to a charity of Obama's choice.

In response to this showboating, Colbert mocked Trump on his show Wednesday night, promising to write a $1 million check to a charity of Trump's choice if, as the host proclaimed, “You will let me dip my balls in your mouth.”

He added the act would have to be to "my, and more importantly, my balls' satisfaction,” and ended with the caveat that the balls would need to be wet and in place by 5 p.m. on Oct. 31.

Addressing Trump directly, Stephen said, "Nothing would make me happier than to write this check. And nothing would make America happier than to have something going into your mouth instead of coming out of it."

A toast to you, Mr. Colbert. May Halloween night live up to all your -- and your balls' -- expectations.